Fate or Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?

Every new years since college, I have gone to the temple to receive my yearly fortune. The process of kneeling before Buddha, all my hopes, wishes, and insecurities laid out in my prayers is one that I cherish. However, in the past few years, this process of collecting my yearly fortune has grown from merely a festive tradition to a necessity. The thing is, I am a firm believer in free will. The idea of some higher power controlling my fate is unsettling to me. Who wants to live with the idea that the choices we make are set in stone? That some of us are destined to live a life of ease while others, a life of misfortune? No matter our best intentions to make the right choices or how we treat others, our lives are predetermined. That's depressing.

My attachment to collecting my fortune, then, is at odds with this belief of mine. This is because for every year I have received my fortune, they have been spot-on. When I say spot-on, I mean that every prediction that I have received for every single year have been accurate in all areas--my health, family life, school/work life, travel prospects...everything. The first year I collected my fortune, I thought, "Okay, it's just a coincidence that my fortune predicted that I would travel outside of the country, come upon a large sum of money, and receive help while abroad." That year, I traveled to Europe, received a scholarship to fund my entire trip, and met some awesome, supportive friends along the way. Still, it was all a coincidence in my mind. Then, the next year and the next, I saw a pattern that was too difficult to continue casting off as just "coincidence." Recognizing this, I feel I've become sort of dependent on these fortunes to guide me throughout the year. And that's where this question of fate vs. the self-fulfilling prophecy comes in.

At what point is it actually fate that my yearly fortunes have been accurate or rather, a subconscious effort on my part to carry these predictions out and in effect, self-fulfilling these predictions? For example, last year I received an extremely positive fortune on all fronts. At the time, it really gave me a big boost of confidence. I felt that it was finally my year and in feeling this confidence, I approached all my goals with an unrivaled level of determination. If I didn't receive a sparkling fortune last year, would I still have had the confidence to carry out the big goals I had set out on? Or, did the fortune equip me with the right confidence that things were going to work out, so I made sure they would work because "otherwise" was just not an option? Fate or self-fulfilling prophecy?

This question has been floating around in my mind lately because I just got my yearly fortune and it's bad, my friends. It's as bad as a fortune can get. Apparently, my health will take a dramatic plunge this year (lack of health care, I'm assuming), people at work dislike me (LOL), I will be prone to accidents that will lead to spilled blood (what?!), and to top it all off, the Gods have it against me this year (it actually said that!). It's so bad that I find it kind of funny! But really, considering how accurate my fortunes have been, it is a bit scary. So, what does this mean? Will it mean that no matter what I do to combat the bad luck, bad luck will just befall me? Will I allow this fortune to affect me in such a way that I will subconsciously increase the risk factors of bad luck? OR, will I just forget the whole thing and live my life as I see fit. I choose the last choice.

I'm letting go of this whole fortune thing. I'm done believing predictions, even if they have been accurate. I could let this year's bad fortune influence me, but I'd rather not. Considering that I've been feeling pretty positive lately, last thing I need is a little voice inside my head adding paranoia to every small misfortune that I encounter this year as some broader conspiracy the Gods have hatched against me for not praying enough. I'm taking back the power of my own choices. Becoming dependent on these fortunes only means that I won't accept my own bad decisions as my own, that I won't try to approach my life positively when everything is negative. It is this defeatist attitude of believing in fate that bothers me most. I'd rather believe that even if things don't turn out well, at least I have my agency. At least I have the power to change my circumstances. Losing that belief in yourself is when you've reached the point that you've actually "lost yourself." I don't ever want that.

I'm returning to my original beliefs: My choices are completely my own. It is neither fate nor self-fulfilling prophecy. It is all me.