End of summer rush

I always get sad toward the end of August. The sun that I've enjoyed watching set around 9pm is slowly creeping into my commute home from work at 7-- which makes the drive home from work all the more beautiful, but a sign that summer is nearing to an end.

And now that it's hitting me that soon I'll have to whip out my scarves and coats, I'm trying to get in as much summer activities as I can. This weekend, a bit saddened by the thought of it all, I dropped everything I had planned to do (catch up on my mountains of work) and went to the beach. And not to just any beach, but a private beach a bit north of Santa Cruz, where the sun was just perfect and the sand pristine. I took this rare opportunity to just relax, catch up with my friends, and sink my feet into the warm sand. As if this picture perfect beach day wasn't picture perfect enough, a group of dolphins swam by.

This summer has been a roller coaster ride. The lows were low and the highs were overwhelmingly and sometimes confusingly high. But hey, with a few tweaks here and there, I still got to travel and explore new places. A few more places I got to sink my feet in, and really, that's what it's all about.

Road Trip: Day 5

I wish I was eloquent enough to describe the beauty I saw while driving through the desert landscape of Arizona, but I'm not. So here's a quote from one of my favorite books that perfectly summarizes how this land has captured me.

"McCandless was stirred by the austerity of this landscape, by it's saline beauty. The desert sharpened the sweet ache of his longing, amplified it, gave shape to it in sere geology and clean slate of light."
-Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer

Home now. This road trip was really, really something else. I will be posting details about the trip in days to come.

Road Trip: Day 4

Sunset brings out the beautiful, vibrant colors in the Grand Canyon. Definitely one of the best places I've ever visited.

On the road

There is something about travel that puts my mind at peace. I can leave all my worries behind, drive somewhere where my only thoughts are of...the brownish mountains, the shrubbery, and the way the sky always looks bluer than the same sky I look above from home. This road trip is definitely what I needed after these few months of "life." But if only life can be easy to deal with by just a simple hop in the car and a full tank of gas. I'm still trying to figure that out, but not right now. Right now, I'm just on the road.

Road Trip: Day 3

Las Vegas. Playing the 1 cent slot machines just so we can get free drinks.

Road trip: Day 3

Early morning drive towards Las Vegas. A very peaceful drive.

Road trip: Day 2

LA's Famous Pink's chili dog

Road trip: Day 1

Arrived in Santa Monica around 6am. Tired, we did the only thing we could do- play on the beach!

A bit of a hiatus

I've been limiting my time spent sitting in front of the computer as part of my recovery, so I've been on a hiatus of sorts. Of course, I now have a backlog of posts that need updating. Those will be rolled out in the next few weeks. I will also be going on my first major road trip next week! I will definitely be doing live updates of that trip. Check back here for updates!

Theo Chocolate

 

Seattle's specialty chocolate. If there is such a thing as Heaven, then it is definitely in this bar. Scarfing it down at work right now and it is really making my day extra amazing!

Rainy Seattle

The Rain Gods have been kind to me these past few days. It only started raining as I was leaving. Super glad because my hair really can't handle the rain.

Canuck Territory

Canuck fans were all over Vancouver as the Stanley Cup finals continues. Kind of heartbreaking because it so should've been us crowding the streets of San Jose. Boo!

"Waiting for the Interurban"

Famous sculpture in the Fremont district. By the way, I'm currently riding off a buzz brought on from two chocolate martinis.

First Starbucks

Outside of the very first Starbucks EVER!

Sunny Seattle

How ironic is it that I had to go to Seattle to find beautiful Spring weather? At the Gas Works Park looking out at the Seattle skyline.

Seattle-Bound

For the next five days, I'll be in Seattle to visit my good friend, Lien! I'm super excited and with a wonderful travel guide such as Lien, I know I have an adventure awaiting me. I will definitely try my best to update pictures as I go and will save the longer posts for my return. I know my blog has been quiet lately (as my life has been), but I know with this trip there will be sights to be seen, lessons to be learned, and much more to share. Check back for updates on my Seattle (and Canada) escapades with Lien!

Reality Bites

There's a scene in the movie, Reality Bites (awesome '90s movie about post-college life), where Winona Ryder's character, after having been fired from her first job, cries to her roommate (played by Ethan Hawke), "I was really going to be somebody by the time I was 23." Ethan Hawke's character replies, "Honey, all you have to be by the time you are 23 is yourself." Winona Ryder then responds in the most defeated manner, "I don't know who that is anymore." And....SCENE. Now, queue me, the viewer. In my pajamas on a late Friday evening, after the most challenging workweek of my life, watching Winona Ryder's character express her existential angst about her post-college life, her disappointments, her confusion, and relating so much to her...that, I too, had to shed a small, defeated tear.

It's been exactly a year since I've graduated from college and if there is anything I have learned about myself since then it is that I know less about myself than I did in college. I'm nostalgic for my college life for many reasons. Friends, my apartment, the sense of independence, academic stimulation, Berkeley, walking...mainly though, I'm nostalgic for the person I was back then. I definitely had my insecurities in college, but never was I insecure about my life plans. I had my dreams, dreams that I thought I would never compromise. I had a vision of the life I wanted for myself, a life where I would never 'settle' or lose sight of my goals. I had direction.

And now, a year later? After months of disappointment, the reality of what it means to have my dreams and actualizing them have set in. I learned that in this economy, dreams take a backseat because really, we can dream all we want but dreams aren't going to fill your stomach or put a roof over our heads. So, my declaration to never move back home after college went by the wayside, and my intention of finding a political job died along with it. Sure, I had those small glimpses of hope, going to interviews here and there, but without strong connections in the field or money to finance a few months in another city to job hunt, I had to give in and accept that at least for the time being, this is my life.

And my life right now is not bad, at all. It is exactly where I need to be, to learn and gain the experience I need for my future career. I am grateful for this experience, but I am not going to lie that there is not a part of me that is a bit sad knowing I am nowhere close to my original plans. But the real clincher is that I don't even know if those plans are right for me anymore. I don't know what I want and because my sense of myself has for so long been enmeshed with my goals, I don't know who this person is anymore.

I know life is about growth. Plans change and you have to tough it out and re-plan, and re-plan, and re-plan. I know that. But, what if you really don't know what you want for yourself. You're aimless. For a person that has led a rather structured life, filled with planned goals and time measures on when they had to be achieved, this is all new territory for me. People keep telling me, "This is just a stepping stone," but what if you no longer know which stone to step to next?

Sunny Arizona

Currently in Arizona for a conference! So far, so good! The weather is perfect. Mid-80s, sitting by the pool under palm trees. Will update with details once I get back!

Making California Rolls

California rolls are surprisingly easy (and cheap!) to make. My friend Judy introduced me to homemade California rolls back in college, when she delighted a group of us with a crash course dinner in sushi-making. From then on, I was hooked. I've never been a big fan of California rolls, the bland Americanized child of real Japanese sushi, BUT I'm a huge fan of homemade rolls. It's easy, fresh, and most of all, super fun to make with a group of friends. On those rare nights when all my roommates were free from schoolwork, we'd celebrate by getting together for a California roll dinner. It was always fun and definitely among my favorite memories of college life.

Because I'm all about knowledge sharing, here's a step-by-step tutorial to making California rolls so you too can host a fun, sushi-making get together:

Ingredients: Seaweed wrap, imitation crab meat, rice, mayonnaise, rice vinegar, avocado, carrots, cucumber
Preparation:
1) Cook rice and when it's done, pour a few spoonfuls of rice vinegar in to flavor. This is essential.
2) Dice the crab meat into little bits. Then, add just enough mayonnaise to give the bowlful of crab bits a creamy (but not too creamy!) texture.

3) Mash an avocado into a spread.
4) Thinly cut carrots and cucumbers.

Step One: Spread about half a spoonful of rice onto the seaweed wrap. Mash the rice down as needed.

Step Two: Spread avocado over the rice.

Step Three: Spread the crab meat.

If you want to be fancy, you can add spam instead.

Step Four: Place cucumber and carrots to your liking.

Step Five: Roll! If you're greedy like me, it won't close all the way when you roll it.

And there you go! Homemade California Rolls. They'll be a lot bigger than what you would find at restaurants and you can customize it to your liking. Now take what you learned and host a get together of your own!

At the end of every storm...

Falafel Drive-In

The first time I went to the Falafel Drive-In, I was starving and tired after a trip from the mall. I just wanted food in my stomach, anything--it didn't matter what it was. I was also accompanied by my little sister who (at the time) was a strict vegan, so a quick dash to McDonalds was not okay. Starving and cranky, I saw the neon Falafel sign and just turned in. Without much background knowledge on the place, my little sister and I ordered our meal--she, the falafel pita and I, the chicken gyro. We ate in the car and while I was unimpressed with my chicken gyro (flavorless, too soggy), my little sister was raving about the falafel pita. Whatever, I thought. Mine sucked, so this place sucked.

That was about three years ago--before the popularity of Yelp, before my unemployed days spent watching hours on end of Anthony Bourdain. Of course there is a tie-in with Anthony Bourdain, my favorite travel guide. Much of my wanderlust is evoked while watching his show. It was his Vietnam episode, "There's No Place Like Home," that prompted me to spend three months in Vietnam last summer. These days, I turn to Anthony Bourdain out of an internal necessity to satiate my wanderlust while broke with no big plans to travel abroad anytime soon. Watching his show, I am able to mentally travel to Korea and work alongside old Korean women making kimchi, walk through the confusing labyrinth of Venice streets, and a few weeks ago, eat at one of the best falafel shops in Beirut. It was this specific episode in Beirut that triggered my cravings for falafel, a food that I've never eaten before. Right when the episode ended, I went onto Yelp--the reliable go-to for foodies nowadays--and looked up falafel/Middle Eastern restaurants in the South Bay.

Lo and behold, the Falafel Drive-In was one of the top-rated hits, garnering thousands of positive Yelp reviews. That is serious right there. I scanned through some of the posts and realized the critical error I made during my first visit. I ordered something other than the falafel because apparently, the falafel pita is the only food worth going for. Second critical mistake, I didn't order the banana milkshake. A banana milkshake?? Really? I understand a strawberry-banana milkshake, but banana milkshake? It's not something you usually hear people going crazy about, but according to Yelpers, ordering a combo of a banana milkshake with your falafel pita was absolutely the way to go.

So on a beautiful weekend, emboldened by my trust in Yelp to give it a second try, I drove out to the Falafel Drive-In. When I arrived (around 1ish), there was already a line wrapping the entry of the outside eating/ordering area. Good sign. When ordering, I saw that there was a combo--large falafel with banana smoothie for $7.50, but I instead opted for the small falafel with the smoothie for $7.00. "I don't have the stomach to eat a large falafel," I thought. Uhh...wrong. When my order was ready (which was quick), I was taken aback by how small the small falafel really was. Though packed pretty well, the thing was still the size of a small sandwich.

My surprise by the small size quickly disappeared when I started eating it. Because really, I stopped thinking about anything else other than how freaking amazing this tasted. It was delicious. Worthy-of awards-and-a-visit-by-the-Food-Network kind of delicious. Oh wait, they already won lots of awards and was featured on the Food Network. They're just that amazing.

A few local awards

The star, of course, was the falafel itself. Fried to delicious crispiness on the outside and fluffy on the inside. Words cannot capture how delicious this was. I experienced one of those obnoxious food moments when you moan and nod your head in satisfaction after every bite because it was just so good. Simply put, there's good food and then there's this.

Served along with the falafel are two sauces: tahini (white) and a spicy sauce, which tasted like mix of ketchup and chili. Both perfectly complemented the falafel.

And the banana smoothie? I imagined the milkshake to be chunky and dense, but the lightness in consistency and subtle banana taste really surprised me. I would never have thought to pair a light banana milkshake with a densely packed, spicy falafel. But like many wonderful surprises in life, they work despite their differences.

Made with fresh bananas

After finishing the falafel, I really just had to sit there to absorb the amazingness of what I had just eaten. I love it when I eat something new and my expectations are surpassed. It's like a whole new food world has been opened for me. Yelpers, I am forever in your debt for turning me back on to the Falafel Drive-In. I will be returning for sure, and next time, I'll be ordering a large.

Falafel Drive-In
2301 Stevens Creek Boulevard
San Jose, CA 95128-1651

This is just too much!

There should be a TV channel solely dedicated to cute animals and babies. Seriously. I would watch it all day. The endorphins that come rushing in from watching these little guys would relieve any bad day. This picture alone has made me reconsider eating pork. It's so cute; I feel like my heart is exploding!

Via jezebel.com

Albuquerque, a walking tour

I didn't expect to enjoy Albuquerque as much as I did, but I did. While the city itself wasn't that impressive to me, it was my experience walking through it that really made my trip. For one, I had a really awesome walking partner-- my roommate, whose adventurous attitude took us to all different parts of the city that I'm sure, even some locals don't ever walk through. Our first walking adventure (chronicled in the previous post) took us through some nice neighborhoods, with nice adobe homes, parks, and a general air of suburban calm. Our second walking adventure, the goal (more of a joke) of which was to reach the Rio Grande, was quite the opposite.

It's amazing how the simple act of walking can reveal so much about a city. I've always said that the best way to explore any place is to walk through it. Only then will you actually take the time to pace yourself and enjoy your surroundings. If you're lucky enough, you'll discover some hidden gem or interesting sight that would have been missed if you had driven through the city. On this walking tour toward the Rio Grande, we got lost more than a few times and walked through some "questionable" areas. And even though my ankles ached throughout (damn my inadequate shoes), I wouldn't have traded it for any other experience.

How else would I have seen the Rio Grande?! Sure, it was DRY and we had to walk through a sort of creepy bike trail in the dark to get there, but it was a joke between us that actually came true. Proves that if you approach the most far-off goals with persistence and most importantly, good humor, you'll achieve it and get a good laugh out of it too.

Our walking tour also led us to walk through the lower-income neighborhoods of Albuquerque, under freeway underpasses, and desolate streets. These parts of town, I'm sure, probably aren't recommended evening walking destinations for two females, but you know, it really confirmed that fears of these areas of towns are really misplaced. Because, not once, did I feel unsafe (only a little creeped out, but that's attributed to my fear of the supernatural). It's like when people express fears of East Side San Jose. Uggh. Annoys me so much. Why, because there's colored people?! Alert the police! Poor minorities live in the area! I'm scared they'll harass me! Hate that sentiment. These communities are a lot safer than people give credit. Anyways...end rant and back on-topic. Walking!

Walking took us through the Old Town of Albuquerque. The one interesting thing there was this 18th-century church. I love the gloomy night sky. Gives this image a sense of foreboding.

San Felipe de Neri Church

An intrinsic part of walking (and travel in general) is getting lost, of which we did plenty of. But that's the beauty of travel--to get lost and wander. If we hadn't got lost on our walking tour, I wouldn't have even known that there's a sort of Little Vietnam in Albuquerque.

Sure, it was isolated to about a 2 block radius, but it was neat to see Vietnamese coffee shops (yes, with the blacked out windows), noodle restaurants, and even an Asian supermarket. Who knew that Vietnamese people settled in New Mexico?

I definitely would not have seen all I have seen if it were not for walking. My trip would have been quite lame and my judgment of Albuquerque unfair if I not had taken the opportunity to walk around. It was by walking through Albuquerque that I learned to appreciate it for what it is. It's definitely not the type of city I would enjoy living in, but discovering this was the adventure in itself.

New Mexico: Day 2

I was about to resign to the notion that this whole Albuquerque trip would be spent inside the Marriott, where my training is taking place. Albuquerque is very much like San Jose. Everything is really spread out and public transportation isn't so accessible, all of which makes it very difficult for those without a car to get around. Add to that my unfamiliarity with the area, it just seemed like my stay here would be more of a sedentary than an exploratory one. But no, Vina doesn't resign. I came here to experience a slice of New Mexico and I was going to do it.

Without much of a destination, my roommate and I set off on a walking tour of New Mexico. Our destination? The mountains. No, really. We saw mountains in one direction and started walking, with the premier goal being that we wanted to witness quintessential New Mexico images (gathered from stereotypes, of course). We wanted to see tumbleweed, cactus, adobe houses, different types of New Mexico birds, and all other stuff to reinforce that we actually experienced Albuquerque instead of just sitting all day in an air-conditioned hotel.


We walked quite a while, past cute adobe houses...

...cacti. Apparently, cacti in Alburquerque don't stand upright. They're all on the ground, like they're too depressed to stand upright. It's okay, cacti. Totally understand how you feel sometimes.

...these things, hanging from trees, which my roommate said looked like ornaments- little, dried desert ornaments. I just think they look really neat.

Sadly, this was the best tumbleweed we were able to find. I was imagining some big, circular tumbleweed. But no...just this. It's not even circular shaped. Sad.

We even tried to get it to roll...didn't work.

Finally, we "reached" the mountains.

Fellow Americorps posing in front of gorgeous mountains.

Although we were far away, we could see how beautiful these mountains were--especially at that time of day, with the sun setting, casting purplish-pink across the mountainsides. One day, I'm going to go on the roadtrip through the Southwest just to see these mountains up close.

In sum, Day Two was great! I got to see parts of Albuquerque I didn't expect to see, which really is the best route I could have taken to see the city as locals do. And mostly, I'm just glad I got to get off my ass after 9 hours of sitting through training to burn off all the heavy hotel food I've been eating. Hopefully, Day Three will be just as adventurous as today!

The "Nudge"

I received this Valentine's card from my not-so-secret admirer today, with this comment:

  

"I saw this card and it reminded me of you telling me about the nudge scene--I hope you think it's funny now that it's been so long ago." 

Oh my...the "Nudge". I haven't thought about the Nudge in such a long time, so this gentle (and HILARIOUS) reminder really brought it all back. It's funny how certain events in your life can feel so momentous at the time, but then after a while, it just completely slips your mind. Its significance, once a burden on your memory, is forgotten and tucked away in some forgone region of your subconscious. Until, you receive something like this in the mail and it all comes rushing back...

So, let me entertain you guys on this Valentine's Day with the story of the infamous Nudge, complete with the over-the-top dramatics of what I remembered feeling like at the time, and of course, the lessons I've learned in all its ridiculous glory. 

The Nudge began as what I thought to be a date. But then again, the whole day--no, the whole situation was predicated on the idea of what I thought. It's really amazing how our mind can work to deceive us, covering up all the holes and cracks to ensure that the castle we've built in our head can remain intact. In hindsight, I should have acknowledged them, but whatever. I had just bought new boots. Awesome leather boots that I wanted to you know, show off, and this was the perfect opportunity. 

So, the day was somewhat planned. And it was nice! I was feeling pretty good. Person seemed to be digging things. Conversation was flowing; It felt effortless, easy, and if you know me, that can be somewhat difficult when I'm around strangers. Bonus points, right? As our pre-planned events began to wind down, we still had the whole day left, and I kept thinking, "Okay, what's next?" I knew I wanted to continue the day. I thought I was getting the same vibe from the person, but I didn't know how to bring it up and most of all, I was just too shy to do so. So, we're walking, walking, walking. As we get closer to the train station, I'm thinking, "Okay...is this it?" We're walking down to the tunnel now and in my mind I'm just "blah," while keeping up a cheery exterior giving the fool directions home because its the first time the person took the train.

At that point, the bubble was slowly bursting. I had this wonderful idea in my head to continue the day in Berkeley. I thought it'd be nice to show the person around the city, given the convenience from where we were already at. We seemed to enjoy each other's company, so I didn't think that was a bad idea at all. But before I could even propose the idea, the person kept asking about directions to get home, like he was somewhat worried about taking the wrong train (or really wanted to get home). As it gets to the point when I (and the person) realize this date is ending--there would be no continuing, no spontaneous show and tell through Berkeley--a palpable curtain of awkwardness just sets in. I mean, you couldn't have cut through that awkwardness with your finest steak knife. I felt fine, but it was very clear to me that all that ease that person had had, just disappeared. Conversation stalled to a halt. We're both just looking around, anywhere but at each other.

I was somewhat relieved to hear the train approaching. The roaring and rush of air gave some relief to the heavy air of awkwardness. Person then turns to me very shyly, thanks me for accompanying (as if I was some last ditch alternative), and gives me a side nudge. Person walks off. I can see the person walking through the train as my silent self absorbs the fact that I just got nudged. The train begins roaring away and the "what the heck, did he just nudge me" bewilderment sets in. Like, really? An elbow nudge? Not even a hug? Even a tender pat on the arm?! The back?! Anything else, but the side nudge! I spend the day getting to know you, the underlying premise that I like you, and I can't even get a hug? Have you guys ever seen the movie, Amelie? There's a scene when Amelie, confronted by the guy she is smitten with, is so overwhelmed by disappointment and embarrassment that her whole self just falls into a puddle of water. All her hopes, too heavy to longer bear, come splashing down. Dramatic? Yes. But that's how I felt in the moment I was nudged.

In hindsight, because of course, hindsight is always 20/20--my overreaction to the nudge was more a misplaced reaction to red flags about the whole thing. I learned some valuable lessons from the nudge. 1) I hate nudges. What the heck?! 2) Not to be shy about what I want or what I expect. Just say it. I'd rather get rejected off the bat than go through the shenanigans, get my hopes up, then deal with the consequences and the built-up emotions after. 3) I really do have the best support network. You guys are always the funniest when it comes to these situations, giving me hilarious advice and witty words of comfort to get through my mini-freakouts. It's a good feeling to know that I have a team of people cheering me on during my most awkward moments.

Special thanks to my not-so-secret admirer, Lien, for the funny trip down memory lane. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Banana Leaf, Round One

I had the fortunate opportunity to visit both Malaysia and Singapore this summer. I, however, had the unfortunate opportunity of going to these countries with a Vietnamese tour (mom's idea). It was awful in nearly every way possible. I hated my fellow tourists. I wanted to choke them, I hated them so much. SIGH...just thinking about them gets my blood boiling. How some people can be so incredibly ignorant and disrespectful to different cultures...it amazes me. It really does. They didn't want to learn anything about Singapore and Malaysia. Our Vietnamese tour guide made sweeping generalizations about the countries, added their offensive remarks about the natives, and just didn't contribute anything interesting that I couldn't have learned myself through a basic read-through of Wikipedia.

The greatest offense, though, was that all the food booked through the tour was crappy Chinese-Vietnamese food. We literally ate the same dishes, three times a day for our whole seven-day tour. Boiled chicken with salt (like, literally a small bowl of salt on the side), tofu with tomatoes, bland fish, vegetable broth, and white rice. We ate that every single day. Not once did they offer any local cuisine to us. I wanted to go out on my own to get food, but it wasn't even as if the tour allowed free time for us to go out on our own to eat. The only free time we had was late night and by that time, I was so tired from being around idiotic people all day that I just wanted to go to bed. SO, in conclusion, aside from eating a copious amount of delicious Malaysian durian at a roadside stand, my food experiences in these countries sucked.

I had heard about Banana Leaf in Milpitas for some years now, and they were always good reviews. I didn't feel a great urge to try it out myself until I came back from my trip, when I vowed I would finally enjoy the Singaporean/Malaysian meal I was so sadly denied during my times there. A few weekends ago, I finally had my chance when I went with my family as sort of a pre-Lunar New Years celebration. My overall experience? Pretty great, I must say. A few stand-out dishes below.

Their Thai tea was the best Thai tea I've ever had. It was the perfect combination of bitter tea and sweet milk.

I've never had Roti Prata before. I thought it was going to be like Indian naan bread, but this bread was flaky and light. It was accompanied by a curry dip, which was just so good with the roti. This was my favorite of the night.  You can also see the cooks hand-flipping the bread when you first come inside the restaurant. That topped the eating experience for me, to see how much skill it takes to make this seemingly simple bread. I would go to Banana Leaf just for this bread. I don't even need the other dishes. Just this and the curry dip. (Really triggering my cravings right now!)

Chicken/Beef Satay--the meat was sweet and juicy. Again, it was perfectly completed with a curryish sauce.

Tom Yaml Soup- hot and sour soup with hearty vegetables and shrimp. It was really cold that evening and after a long wait near the freezing breeze from the door to be seated, this was what I really needed to warm up and ready my palette for the dishes ahead.

One dish I really hated was the mango salad. It had a sweet and sour sauce on it that was just...blegh. I hate sweet and sour sauce and eating a whole salad drenched in it? Uhh...no.

 

I also found the wait staff at Banana Leaf to be very nice! They brought over crayons for my little cousin, which he thoroughly enjoyed.

One of the staff also took a liking to the little guy, and lifted him up with his high chair to play with him. It was very sweet, considering that they gave individualized attention to us even though it was a packed house that night.

I'm so glad I finally found a great place for Malaysian/Singaporean food. Sucks that I had to go back to the US to finally get that meal, but I'll take what I can get. I can't wait for Round 2, when I finally go with my travel partner, Tran. We'll stuff our faces with Roti Prata to erase our bad memories. It'll take a few trips to actually quash our memories, I'm sure, but that's fine by me!

Fate or Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?

Every new years since college, I have gone to the temple to receive my yearly fortune. The process of kneeling before Buddha, all my hopes, wishes, and insecurities laid out in my prayers is one that I cherish. However, in the past few years, this process of collecting my yearly fortune has grown from merely a festive tradition to a necessity. The thing is, I am a firm believer in free will. The idea of some higher power controlling my fate is unsettling to me. Who wants to live with the idea that the choices we make are set in stone? That some of us are destined to live a life of ease while others, a life of misfortune? No matter our best intentions to make the right choices or how we treat others, our lives are predetermined. That's depressing.

My attachment to collecting my fortune, then, is at odds with this belief of mine. This is because for every year I have received my fortune, they have been spot-on. When I say spot-on, I mean that every prediction that I have received for every single year have been accurate in all areas--my health, family life, school/work life, travel prospects...everything. The first year I collected my fortune, I thought, "Okay, it's just a coincidence that my fortune predicted that I would travel outside of the country, come upon a large sum of money, and receive help while abroad." That year, I traveled to Europe, received a scholarship to fund my entire trip, and met some awesome, supportive friends along the way. Still, it was all a coincidence in my mind. Then, the next year and the next, I saw a pattern that was too difficult to continue casting off as just "coincidence." Recognizing this, I feel I've become sort of dependent on these fortunes to guide me throughout the year. And that's where this question of fate vs. the self-fulfilling prophecy comes in.

At what point is it actually fate that my yearly fortunes have been accurate or rather, a subconscious effort on my part to carry these predictions out and in effect, self-fulfilling these predictions? For example, last year I received an extremely positive fortune on all fronts. At the time, it really gave me a big boost of confidence. I felt that it was finally my year and in feeling this confidence, I approached all my goals with an unrivaled level of determination. If I didn't receive a sparkling fortune last year, would I still have had the confidence to carry out the big goals I had set out on? Or, did the fortune equip me with the right confidence that things were going to work out, so I made sure they would work because "otherwise" was just not an option? Fate or self-fulfilling prophecy?

This question has been floating around in my mind lately because I just got my yearly fortune and it's bad, my friends. It's as bad as a fortune can get. Apparently, my health will take a dramatic plunge this year (lack of health care, I'm assuming), people at work dislike me (LOL), I will be prone to accidents that will lead to spilled blood (what?!), and to top it all off, the Gods have it against me this year (it actually said that!). It's so bad that I find it kind of funny! But really, considering how accurate my fortunes have been, it is a bit scary. So, what does this mean? Will it mean that no matter what I do to combat the bad luck, bad luck will just befall me? Will I allow this fortune to affect me in such a way that I will subconsciously increase the risk factors of bad luck? OR, will I just forget the whole thing and live my life as I see fit. I choose the last choice.

I'm letting go of this whole fortune thing. I'm done believing predictions, even if they have been accurate. I could let this year's bad fortune influence me, but I'd rather not. Considering that I've been feeling pretty positive lately, last thing I need is a little voice inside my head adding paranoia to every small misfortune that I encounter this year as some broader conspiracy the Gods have hatched against me for not praying enough. I'm taking back the power of my own choices. Becoming dependent on these fortunes only means that I won't accept my own bad decisions as my own, that I won't try to approach my life positively when everything is negative. It is this defeatist attitude of believing in fate that bothers me most. I'd rather believe that even if things don't turn out well, at least I have my agency. At least I have the power to change my circumstances. Losing that belief in yourself is when you've reached the point that you've actually "lost yourself." I don't ever want that.

I'm returning to my original beliefs: My choices are completely my own. It is neither fate nor self-fulfilling prophecy. It is all me.

New year wishes!

It's officially the Year of the Cat! Video of my cousin wishing everyone a "Chuc mung nam moi!" and bowing to Buddha as best as his three-year old self can.

A beautiful day should not be wasted

The weather has been glorious in the Bay Area these past few weeks. Sunny, blue skies in the middle of winter! It feels like the beginning of Spring and it makes me so happy. I love feeling the sun cast its warmth on my face as I drive with the sunroof open. I love running-friendly weather. I love not feeling lethargic and hibernating to avoid the cold for the rest of winter.

On this particular weekend, wanting to take advantage of the gorgeous weather before it goes away, I went on a mini-road trip to Antioch for a hike with my college roommates--Amy, Kathy, and Anne. Anne, who is from Antioch, recommended a hike through Black Diamond Mines Regional Park to explore the salt mines. Apparently, Anne was once employed there as a tour guide! Who knew we had an expert on salt mines in our midst!

Black Diamond Park was once a bustling salt/coal mining town in the mid-19th century before that industry died out. Today, it is transformed into a large nature preserve. Driving into the park on the twisting roads alongside mountainsides sprouting with fresh greenery, wild cattle, and old farm houses was too picturesque not for us to stop on the side of the road to admire.

   

Remnants of the coal mining past is still intact, such as this huge pile of dirt with coal pieces still left in the ground. Kathy actually wanted to collect some to put in a baggy for memory's sake (we're nerds, okay!), but Anne said that this place is cursed (?!) and that we shouldn't because it would only bring bad luck. She said that she once found an old button, decided to keep it, and bad luck came to her. May not be true, but considering that this land once belonged to Indians and that men died in coal mining disasters on this very land. Yeah... no, not risking it no matter how nerdy we are.

Sifting for coal pieces

Coal pieces

On that morbid note, we also hiked up a small hill to visit Rose Hill Cemetery, a Protestant resting place for those who once lived in the mining town. Sadly, we saw a lot of infant tombstones. This one here is the resting spot for three infants, all aged no more than a year old when they died.

 

The cemetery was small and oddly peaceful. Usually, cemeteries freak me out, but not this one. It was so pretty that we decided to settle there for lunch.

Anne made delicious Turkey guacamole sandwiches!

The hike through the park was spectacular. Varied terrain and beautiful scenery.

 

Our main goal of the day was to explore the salt mines. Unfortunately on that day, the mines were closed. But honestly, we were so tired after the hike that we didn't care if we got to see the mines (and it kinda smelled like urine).

 

SO...no mines. No loss though. The weather was impossibly perfect. We got to hike through picturesque mountainsides while gasping for air between strenuous inclines and (mostly) laugh attacks. It's beautiful days like these that I live for, especially in the company of good friends.